Let The Woman Sing FFS!
I was scrolling through Instagram the other day, as I like to do, and I came across a totally delightful reel by the magical Kerry Washington. She was living her best life, dancing in a field of flowers and using her voice in a way that worked for her, to celebrate herself. I loved, loved, LOVED it! And how did I not know SHE COULD SING like that!!
Now Ms. Washington did use a swear or two, to speak her truth while bringing musical joy to the world. While this doesn’t bother me a bit as I can let ‘em rip with the best of them, some took offense. I think her phrase, “I live in a world of I don’t give a fuck bitch”, offended some. Of course, they totally missed the point with their comments, but it got me thinking about why some women feel so emboldened to censor other women. How does some random stranger think it is okay to tell Kerry Washington that she has no class because she uses the word “fuck”. I don’t know Ms. Washington, but for some reason that bothered me immensely. I know Kerry can take care of herself and doesn’t need me to defend her, but I think we need to address this habit of slamming other women to make up for the shortfalls in our own lives.
I follow Kerry Washington for a reason. She is a strong, successful outspoken citizen of the world who defends democracy, denounces racism and is a fearless defender of women. When you reduce her whole being to a single word, you are ignoring her words that fight for equal rights, defend democracy or protect the civil rights of minorities. For that I will speak out in defense of her and all women who are minding their business and living their best lives while doing what they can to lift others up.
Here’s the thing, our lives are OURS. We don’t have to live less of a life or hold back our joy or sparkle for those women whose lives are unsatisfying, unproductive, or less than what they want. It’s time to realize that knocking another woman down or silencing her voice won’t make you any prettier, younger, or more successful. If you are so unhappy or unfulfilled that you need to get your self-esteem from trying to silence another woman or censor her, then maybe the problem isn’t that other woman’s voice, but your own.
I too have lived in Kerry’s “I don’t give a fuck” world for a long time. Decades really. I just didn’t realize that it actually had a name, so I thank her for that. I have a friend, whom I cherish, that has often told me that I am lucky that I don’t give a fig what people think. That is both true and untrue. In certain situations, like work, and some social interactions, I do care. But I don’t care to conform to other’s ideas of how I should live my life. I am not willing to stop being me to fit into some clique who all dress, look, decorate, and live a life according to some outdated patriarchal inspired code. Yes, my friend Karen is right, I don’t give a fuck about that, and it is so freeing.
If more women could embrace that, we could be kinder to each other. Instead of snarking about someone’s joy on social media, search for some of your own. If you are struggling, reach out, phone a friend or a therapist and make a change. Follow a dream. Hell, I went back and got my degree at 47, thus fulfilling a life-long dream.
Kerry Washington was literally telling us on Instagram that she is living her life, singing her song and the negativity of others didn’t mean anything to her, and yet there were still some unhappy women spewing negative bullshit. In my opinion, that is not a way to live a life. Attacking her or any woman will not change what is rotten in your own life. With women’s voices being under attack, censored and silenced worldwide, do we really need more people telling us to be quiet so we can fit into some “mold”. Hell NO!
Women are strong, and smart and powerful. We are also undefeatable if we lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. Remember the Women’s March in 2017? That was one of the most powerful activities I have ever participated in. So many women celebrating each other, supporting each other and coming together. We need more of that spirit not less.
And joy. Find joy folks. Don’t take it from others. If you need help, or just want a hummable tune that will inspire, check out Kerry Washington’s reel. It has inspired me, and I give it a whirl whenever I need a little spirit pick-me-up.
Until next time,
-Deborah E